Work in Progress....
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"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."- Robert Frost
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For the last five days, I have lived in the small Beduoin town of Al Rajjif in the south of Jordan near Petra. I lived with a family that consisted of two wives, a husband and between 6-8 children (It is hard to keep track). Across the road from my family's house was the house where my mother's son lived with his wife. This family hosted another girl from SIT, Ariel. This was nice because the two of us could hang out everyday and this made things easier.
While I want to tell the story of how I lived with a beduoin family for a week, adapted to their ways and became a part of the family and culture, this would not be accurate. The entire time I felt like an outsider and frankly, I did not feel the welcome I wanted. I would love to sound like an anthropologist that became a member of the tribe, so to speak, but that is just not possible. A quote from "oh, the Places You'll Go" helped me deal with this:
"You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don't.
Because, sometimes, you won't.
I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you. "
Not everything will be 10/10. Sometimes things won't work out. At least I tried and I still learned a lot.
"You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don't.
Because, sometimes, you won't.
I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you. "
Not everything will be 10/10. Sometimes things won't work out. At least I tried and I still learned a lot.
On Wednesday, I put on my beduoin dress, a thobe, and wrapped my hair up in my pink hijab. I had watched numerous youtube tutorials on how to wrap a hijab and also had help from my lovely host mother in Amman. below is a picture of me in my dress as well as other SIT students. When I walked in the room, Dima, one of the staff members, asked me who had done my hijab because it looked so good. I was so proud to say that my host mom had taught me, but that I did it myself. I even helped a few other students do their own hijabs. The trick: pins :).
The ride to Al Rajiff took about four hours. We traveled in a bus and dropped students off at different locations on the way. I sat in my thobe and hijab all the way because I was really excited for the journey.
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| Al Jajiff with petra in the distance |
When I reached my host family's house, I was happy to see that Ariel was living across the street. I figured this was excellent in case I had a problem. My host father is a retired policeman, my host mother is a retired school administrater but now works in a special needs school.I think that my host mom and dad were also cousins. I believe my other host mother is a stay at home mom, but I never asked her. The two most prominent family members to me were two sisters. Rania is a 20 year old girl studying to be an English translator. Admud (sp) is a 13 year old bubbly girl. As time went on, I began to wonder if she had some sort of mental definciency. My mother had lost a child that suffered from a mental disorder and her picture hung in the house. Life has been rough for my mom.
Ariel was much more recieved into the family than I was. I tried to gain their love by cooking, cleaning and participating in Arabic conversations. However, Ariel was the standout favorite.
On the first day, we took a tour of the local schools and visited the old village of Al Rajiff. The old town is right next door to the new one. I found this interesting. Below are pictures. Apparently people moved from the old village to the new one in the 1980s. I will research more about this at some point.
Personal experiences
1)The second day in the badia, I asked my host mom if Ariel and I could go for a walk. I told her that we would go to the mosque, which I could see from the house. After giving her my phone number, she agreed to let me leave. 10 minutes later, my host brothers came in a car to pick Ariel and I up. My host sister was a few feet back yelling about how we had walked too far. It had only been 10 minutes!!! Ariel and I were driven back to the house. We knew we were in trouble. When we got home (30 sec later) Mom and Pop were standing on the porch staring at us in the car. They seemed upset. When we got out of the car, they asked us (In Arabic) what we were doing and where we were going. Since Ariel does not know much Arabic I explained that we had asked to go on a walk to the mosque and wanted to get a better view of Petra's mountains. They did not seem to believe me and asked me again. I repeated myself. I was upset that I was being made to feel like a bad little kid. I had taken an international flight to Jordan alone, surely I could take a walk. After that, we were not allowed to take walks. Apparently something bad could happen.
2) Another SIT kid, Will, lived 5 minutes away. One time he and his older brother came over to borrow my cell phone charger. We thought this was no big deal. He would get the charger then leave and bring it back tomorrow. Turns out it was. When he came, my host mom asked me why Will was coming over. I said he wanted my charger. Once again, she seemed to doubt me. I repeated myself. Meanwhile, Will and his brother were seated in the formal sitting room and told to wait for me. My host mom sat with them. The whole thing was so formal. I handed him the phone charger and he left. It seems that I had messed up by talking to Will. For the rest of the trip, the host family would not allow Ariel and I to go see Will. Boys and girls do not mix.
3)I rock climbed for the first time up the mountain at small Petra. The view was amazing! This happened during a family picnik in the area which was also good.
At Petra, the family had a picnik. We ate roasted chicken, yoghurt and pita bread. I was in heaven. Ariel and I had a fun time looking around. I enjoyed the rock climbing. Once I reached the top, I told the group I had never done this before. Ariel told me I should not have come if this was my first time because it is tough. Somehow I made it through. I Don't know how, but I did well and people were a tad bit surprised. Below are pictures.
On the first day, we took a tour of the local schools and visited the old village of Al Rajiff. The old town is right next door to the new one. I found this interesting. Below are pictures. Apparently people moved from the old village to the new one in the 1980s. I will research more about this at some point.
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| Ariel and I with one host mom and a friend |
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| Old Mosque |
Personal experiences
1)The second day in the badia, I asked my host mom if Ariel and I could go for a walk. I told her that we would go to the mosque, which I could see from the house. After giving her my phone number, she agreed to let me leave. 10 minutes later, my host brothers came in a car to pick Ariel and I up. My host sister was a few feet back yelling about how we had walked too far. It had only been 10 minutes!!! Ariel and I were driven back to the house. We knew we were in trouble. When we got home (30 sec later) Mom and Pop were standing on the porch staring at us in the car. They seemed upset. When we got out of the car, they asked us (In Arabic) what we were doing and where we were going. Since Ariel does not know much Arabic I explained that we had asked to go on a walk to the mosque and wanted to get a better view of Petra's mountains. They did not seem to believe me and asked me again. I repeated myself. I was upset that I was being made to feel like a bad little kid. I had taken an international flight to Jordan alone, surely I could take a walk. After that, we were not allowed to take walks. Apparently something bad could happen.
2) Another SIT kid, Will, lived 5 minutes away. One time he and his older brother came over to borrow my cell phone charger. We thought this was no big deal. He would get the charger then leave and bring it back tomorrow. Turns out it was. When he came, my host mom asked me why Will was coming over. I said he wanted my charger. Once again, she seemed to doubt me. I repeated myself. Meanwhile, Will and his brother were seated in the formal sitting room and told to wait for me. My host mom sat with them. The whole thing was so formal. I handed him the phone charger and he left. It seems that I had messed up by talking to Will. For the rest of the trip, the host family would not allow Ariel and I to go see Will. Boys and girls do not mix.
3)I rock climbed for the first time up the mountain at small Petra. The view was amazing! This happened during a family picnik in the area which was also good.
At Petra, the family had a picnik. We ate roasted chicken, yoghurt and pita bread. I was in heaven. Ariel and I had a fun time looking around. I enjoyed the rock climbing. Once I reached the top, I told the group I had never done this before. Ariel told me I should not have come if this was my first time because it is tough. Somehow I made it through. I Don't know how, but I did well and people were a tad bit surprised. Below are pictures.
Here are some things I learned in the Badia
“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.”- Mark Twain
“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.”- Mark Twain
Plural Marriage
When I think of a man with many wives, I think of the TV show Sister Wives. All the women seem to be jealous of the other and need to make sure that everything is equal or divided in a way that they approve of. What I saw in my host family was different. Both women were between 50-60 years old so perhaps maturity had alot to do with what I observed. The first wife was very smart. She went to college and ran a school. She was also a beautiful woman. The second wife did not seem as intellegent or attractive. What I believe and other students have backed me up on is that different types of women are meant for different roles. The first wife seems to be the more beautiful and intellegent one. She appears to be "the catch". The husband seems to favor her and she runs the house. Whatever she says goes, the other wife can not disagree at all. The second wife does not have this influence or as much attention. What surprised me most is that this does not seem to create conflict in the home. The second wife seems okay with this agreement. It seems as if the second wife position is more for the benefit of the second wife. She gets a place to live and a family. The husband gets more children and more help around the house. This seems to be more of a business arrangement, and that's okay. Everyone gets what they need out of this arrangement. It might also help how the second wife has her own home. She gets her own space and sphere of influence as well. In Sister Wives, it seems that all the women are going for a relationship that would equate to a first wife position. This does not work at all, in my opinion. While I would never want a plural marriage, I do see how it can work if a person is in a certain mindset. Perhaps a woman in that community knows what she can get and just goes with it. I really don't know.
Also, Ariel hosts mom married her young love, but seems okay with him taking another wife in the future. I was shocked by this. She seemed to like the idea of a large family, which I can understand.
Also, Ariel hosts mom married her young love, but seems okay with him taking another wife in the future. I was shocked by this. She seemed to like the idea of a large family, which I can understand.
Gender Roles in a Bedu Society
This is where things get interesting. While the first wife has most of the say, she can be trumped by Papa at anytime. He runs the house and makes decisions. The last night we were there, the women were playing cards. When the dad wanted to play, he asked Ariel to stop playing. Understanding that daddy was not a warm fuzzy man (he had his soft moments, though), we though nothing of it. Next the oldest brother wanted to play. The daughter in law gave up her seat automatically and watched the game, obviously wanting to play. Next the second wife had to give up her seat to a man. When the men wanted to play, the women had to get up. No comments were made or questions were asked.
Additionally, I had a sad conversation with my host sister, Rania, who was 20. She currently studies that the university of Maan and wants to be an English translator. I felt like we were kindred spirits. She told me that she scored a 93% on the Tawghi exam on her first try. Keep in mind that only 28% of the country passes the exam on the first try. She must be a genius to score a 93% on the exam. She told me that she had the opportunity to go to the University of Jordan, but her mom had said no. Her mom does not want her to leave the village. As a result, she studies at a small school near the village. Rania is sad about this. Also, she feels she will not be able to marry the man she wants to, her cousin. She told me she feels "hopeless" and that she has no control over her life. I was so depressed after this conversation because I honeslty could not disagree with her. Things are tough. I could relate being the same age and wanting the same things. She must listen to her dad and parents.
Issue of Who is Marrying Who
While I was talking to my host sister, Rania, she asked me if I had any male cousins. I said yes and that the ones I usually talk to are Carl and Henry. Henry is in Middle School and Carl is in high school. Rania looked surprised and I asked her what she was thinking. She said that I did not have many choices over who I would marry and asked who I would pick. While I love both my cousins, I would not be interested in marrying them. This is culturally unacceptable for me. However, things are different in the Badia. Cousins marry cousins. This lead me to think about shrinking of the gene pool. I had toured a special needs school and it appears that my one host sister had some type of mental condition. I also know that a child had died in the family that had a disorder. While marrying your cousin might not be incest, it does shrink down the amount of different genes in the mix. Perhaps the small village has a bit of this issue. I do not know for sure, I am just posing a question. Honestly, I am really surprised that I believe the gene pool might be too small. I was not expecting to walk away with that opinion.
Cultural things I noticed
1) People don't talk in the Badia, they yell. They are not angry, they are just very loud
2) People in the Badia like to touch you. If you are walking, they want to hold your hand or put their arm around you (same gender only). For instance, I was playing cards one night and I had my host mom's boobs pressed into my back. She seemed fine being that close to me. I however, needed space
3) The youngest female has to get up and serve everyone else. Sometimes it was me and it was scary.
4) The Bedouins like sugar...alot. A cup of tea will have 3 scoops of sugar. You drink like 15 cups a day. Thats alot of sugar. I actually went through a sugar hangover when I got home. Someone else developed sores in their mouth.
5) They know Fusha better than people in Amman
6) During the evening, it was not uncommon to see the daughter-inlaw rubbing the father's head and back. I found this a bit odd. However, when you notice that this is how the other children touched their father, it became a bit less odd.
7) A kid can be hit if they do wrong. No one seems too bothered by this.
Additionally, I had a sad conversation with my host sister, Rania, who was 20. She currently studies that the university of Maan and wants to be an English translator. I felt like we were kindred spirits. She told me that she scored a 93% on the Tawghi exam on her first try. Keep in mind that only 28% of the country passes the exam on the first try. She must be a genius to score a 93% on the exam. She told me that she had the opportunity to go to the University of Jordan, but her mom had said no. Her mom does not want her to leave the village. As a result, she studies at a small school near the village. Rania is sad about this. Also, she feels she will not be able to marry the man she wants to, her cousin. She told me she feels "hopeless" and that she has no control over her life. I was so depressed after this conversation because I honeslty could not disagree with her. Things are tough. I could relate being the same age and wanting the same things. She must listen to her dad and parents.
Issue of Who is Marrying Who
While I was talking to my host sister, Rania, she asked me if I had any male cousins. I said yes and that the ones I usually talk to are Carl and Henry. Henry is in Middle School and Carl is in high school. Rania looked surprised and I asked her what she was thinking. She said that I did not have many choices over who I would marry and asked who I would pick. While I love both my cousins, I would not be interested in marrying them. This is culturally unacceptable for me. However, things are different in the Badia. Cousins marry cousins. This lead me to think about shrinking of the gene pool. I had toured a special needs school and it appears that my one host sister had some type of mental condition. I also know that a child had died in the family that had a disorder. While marrying your cousin might not be incest, it does shrink down the amount of different genes in the mix. Perhaps the small village has a bit of this issue. I do not know for sure, I am just posing a question. Honestly, I am really surprised that I believe the gene pool might be too small. I was not expecting to walk away with that opinion.
Cultural things I noticed
1) People don't talk in the Badia, they yell. They are not angry, they are just very loud
2) People in the Badia like to touch you. If you are walking, they want to hold your hand or put their arm around you (same gender only). For instance, I was playing cards one night and I had my host mom's boobs pressed into my back. She seemed fine being that close to me. I however, needed space
3) The youngest female has to get up and serve everyone else. Sometimes it was me and it was scary.
4) The Bedouins like sugar...alot. A cup of tea will have 3 scoops of sugar. You drink like 15 cups a day. Thats alot of sugar. I actually went through a sugar hangover when I got home. Someone else developed sores in their mouth.
5) They know Fusha better than people in Amman
6) During the evening, it was not uncommon to see the daughter-inlaw rubbing the father's head and back. I found this a bit odd. However, when you notice that this is how the other children touched their father, it became a bit less odd.
7) A kid can be hit if they do wrong. No one seems too bothered by this.
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