Hello,
So last weekend I went to my Host mother's neice's engagement party. I was very excited all week about going to this event. I have not been to a wedding or an event like the such since I was very little. I was excited to have a good time and learn about engagements and such in Jordan.
In preporation for the event, I bought a new dress. It was the dress I wore when I saw Prince Hassan. Something told me that this engagement party called for a new dress. A couple of days later, my host mom asked to see what I was going to wear to the engagement party. I showed her the dress and told her I would wear black tights so my legs would not be showing. She said the dress was nice and that it would look better without tights. In essence, she said leave the tights at home. I was shocked. I told myself not to wear the tights because my host mom said no, but at the same time the idea of showing my knee caps was a bit terrifying.
A week before the party, my host sister, Mayas, went on a field trip where she went climbing on rocks. Unfortunately, she really scraped up her knees. This cause my host mom and host sister to worry about what she would wear to the party as they did not want her scraped knees to show. I personally wondered what the big fuss was. This was a kid! If the kid had a banged up knee it would be okay. I suggested tights or using concealer. They liked the tights idea and I suggested a medium thickness pair. Then my host sister modeled different dresses. My host mom kept asking me which one she should wear. I was a bit stunned. Surely the sixteen year old could pick out her own outfit! However, looking back, this was a bonding and fun activity. Also, I would soon learn the reason why making sure everyone looked their best was important.
The day before the event, my host mom got her hair cut. The next day we went back to the salon to have our hair blowout. I had the man wash mine as well because anytime someone wants to put soap and water on my fine blonde hair, they are totally welcome. My hair was blown out in about 15 minutes and the guy used really technical ways of doing it. The man was Syrian and we talked about Syria and made small talk. He seemed so nervous about blow drying my hair. I told him not to worry and to do the best he could. He seemed to relax after that and talk more. He did a great job! Blowing out my host mom's hair took about 45 minutes. She now has a short bob, but she has so so much hair! As a result, I decided to get my nails done while I waited. The nail lady was a Philapino lady. She told me that she hates living in Amman and told me of the struggles Philapino ladies and workers face in Amman. I am glad I had this conversation. I kept on listening because it was important information. I was not bothered by her sharing her story as it is important to know how hard it is in Jordan for domestic workers. She asked if I was studying Arabic because I was hoping to marry an Arab man. This was a first for me. I said not particularly and that I just enjoyed the grammar. She seemed surprised at my answer. I had my nails done hot pink. Soon my host mom was finished with her hair. She told me how much she loved it now and that the man had done a better job at blowing it out. I finally relaxed. Preparing for this event was a lot of pressure. Would there be alcohol at the party....? (Of course not hehe)
Finally the party was hear! The party would be at the father of the bride's house on the outskirts of Amman. The house is huge and has a lovely patio. I have been over there a few times now and was excited to learn that the party would be there. My host mom, sister and I arrived a few hours early to help set up. Mostly, I just sat in a chair in the corner and tried not to bother anyone. I enjoyed watching the ladies walk into the room. They showed up at the door in abayyas, a type of cloak. I silently played the game of who would have the most "patrytastic" outfit based off of the shoes peaking out from under the cloak. I totally guessed the winner. One girl was wearing sky high,black platformed heels and a short halter dress. One false move and this fourteen year old girl would have flashed someone. The other guests were dressed nicely as well and in a classy way. No one looked at ridiculous as this girl. Some of the other guests laughed at her. I agree, her outfit was a bit much for a wedding celebration and belonged more in a club. Meanwhile I sat there tugging at my shirt feeling like I was showing too much knee. Since men and women sit in different places for the party, women can really wear anything they want.
The women at the party wore many different types of dresses. Some wore Arabian dresses, Beduoin Dress and Western Dress. I enjoyed seeing all the fashion. The groom's family is Beduoin, so many of the women from that side of the family wore thobes. The matriarchs of the bedouin family were there are well. I honestly cannot respect a single group of women more than Bedu matriarchs. They have had many children who now have children. Essentially, she runs the village because of the amount of offspring she has. In a sense, she is Godfather like because her word is infallible. She does what she wants and is taken care of by all her children. She is a boss. I enjoyed seeing the Bedouin tattoos on the women's faces. Honestly, if I were them I would have mad ink as well. These women are strong and tough.
Finally the soon to be bride arrived! She came from the salon and rushed past everyone to get dressed. Moments later, she came out in her first outfit, a white and gold Arabian dress. This was the outfit she would wear to sign her marriage contract. In Islam, a women signs a contract (as well as the groom) stipulating the amount of money she would receive if her husband ever divorced her. Since a woman returns to her father's house if she is divorced, she does not solely live off the money stipulated in the contract. Her father and brothers will provide for her, but the money helps. This is a happy occasion, not a sad one. Personally, I view it as a prenuptial agreement. I like it and it will help to avoid mess later if the marriage fails. Personally, I am in favor of these agreements for everyone. Mays, the bride, ran out and hugged and kissed all of us one by one. She looked gorgeous!
Soon after the marriage contract was signed. I did not witness this personally as I did not know if I was invited to see. I did not want to get to involved in things. I was afraid I would offend. A holy man, Immam, writes the contract. Going back to tribal customs, the eldest male on the groom's side asks the eldest male on the bride's side if the man can take the woman as his wife. The eldest male of the bride's side speaks for the family. Of course this is all show. Mays very much loves Mutaz and wants to marry him and her parents like the arrangement. After this exchange the contract is signed. Mays put on a hijab for this part as well as my host mom. I was surprised that women who never cover their hair did so at this moment. Apparently, in the presence of the holy man, you cover your hair. I'm glad I didn't walk in then. I did not have a scarf since I figured if I did not need tights, I did not need a scarf. After the contract was signed, the men fired celebratory gun shots. I loved this!
After this, Mays went and changed into a peach dress that was stunning. She and Mutaz walked in to the women's party arm in arm. At this point, the grooms sister gave Mays so much diamond jewelry. The sister handed it to Mutaz and he put it on Mays. There were three rings, a diamond headband, a long diamond chain necklace and a diamond bracelet. It is customary that the groom give his future wife jewelry at the engagement party. It was so many diamonds, but it was stunning and she wore it well.
After this, there was dancing. Mays and Mutaz danced together. I enjoyed watching but I was soon pulled into the dancing. I danced a little, feeling like I was "the white girl in the club" without dance moves. I danced with Mays mother as well as my host mom. It was a good time and I enjoyed the Arabic music. Mays and Mutaz went between parties to visit guests. At this point, I figured out that the men were just on the other side of the house.
There was cutting of the cake, a three layered fondant cake. The couple fed each other the cake. They also sipped a glass of wine with their arms crossed. I enjoyed seeing these more western elements incorporated. It was a beautiful time.
Towards the end of the party, the father's of the couple and brothers came to the women's party to dance. The Mays father and Mays danced. It was so cute and I was glad to see the father's come to out party. However, this meant that the women had to put on hijab and their cloaks again. Suddenly the perfectly salon styled hair was gone and so was the one girl's very short dress. Even the mother's of the couple put on a hijab. Mays mother was wearing a long red, sleeveless evening gown. She put on a cardigan at this point to cover her arms. This was because the father of the groom and his sons were present. The other mother did the same thing. The coming over of the men is a traditional element in less conservative families. It reminded me of a father daughter dance.
The brother of the bride is a young doctor in his 20s. He is gorgeous and so smart. When he joined the party I was like, Ladies go over and make a move! However that would have been culturally inappropriate.
What I learned from the party was that a man is supposed to take care of his wife. This entire party was about the man showing he can and will provide for his wife. Mutaz gave her a promise of security if they get divorced showing that he is going to take care of her even if things don't work out. He also gave her so much expensive jewelry further showing that he will provide and take care of her.
There were many important guests that I never saw, but were there. Apparently the Italian Ambassador was there. Also, Queen Noor's son, Prince Hamzah was also a guest. He knows the groom's family and came to the engagement party. Big deal! I wish I could have seen them, but they were men's party only guests. This was why looking so good was important!
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Mays and Mutaz so so cute and in love!
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Host mom and Host sister |
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The women got the best location, the patio |
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Mutaz and Mays seat |
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My host sister and I |
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Entarance after the contract. |
Til next time,